Here's a collection of essays, jokes, and short stories and other literature typed up by The Experience. As of May 15, 2009, 3 essays are up, as well as a small collection of short stories and a few mock biographies. This page might be reformatted in a more user friendly format in the near future. Enjoy.
- Ray N. of The Jonesboro Experience of America
(all writings are written and © by me)
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"The End Times"
An apocalyptic essay by Ray N. First published on MySpace in the Summer of 2008.
Hello dear reader,
I'm going to address a serious issue: climate change. Yes, everywhere around the world is feeling the wrath of Mother Nature. What is the cause? Is it global warming? Is God angry? Or was Mother Nature PMSing again? I honestly don't know, but I can come up with a hypothesis.
Personally, it may be all of the above. Global warming can do some major change to climate. All of the CO2 created by people, animals, and many factories and cars goes up into the atmosphere and gradually depletes the ozone layer, which helps protect this planet from serious UV rays emanated from the sun. So far, the days are hotter than normal, and the polar ice caps are actually melting. Poor polar bears.
Another reason that we are going through natural disasters on a regular basis is probably biblical. Prophecies of an apocalypse were foretold, and the storms may just be divine punishments towards people due to either wicked lifestyles or knowing that we are destroying this planet with war, genocide, and depleting our natural resources. After ten or so more hurricanes, I'm keeping a watchful eye for The Four Horsemen.
When a storm destroys, it has no prejudice; it destroys anything and anyone in its path. Therefore, money is needed for aid, yet crops and oil pipelines might be destroyed in the process. That's a key factor on why gas is now $4 a gallon and rising and why food costs so much--the laws of supply and demand apply. It's sad that people from China, Southeast Asia, Wisconsin, Iowa and New Orleans (still!) are pretty much in despair with not much aid and resources to help them rebuild their lives (goddamn FEMA).
Finally, it could be just Mother Nature acting like a bitch like always. I personally believe that history always had fucked up storms of this caliber, but since we tend to be a globalized, industrialized and recorded world, it just seems like a bigger deal than usual.
I hope that all of you readers care to read this and share with your friends about this matter. This is serious, and we only have one Earth. I know we can't prevent a storm, but if we live a little greener, then they may be less intensified and we'll have more resources for aid after the inevitable.
Bless,
Ray N. of The Jonesboro Experience of America (2008 - 06 - 13)
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"CNN - Caucasian Nymphets Network?"
An essay by Ray N. of The
First of all, I just want to say this:
I am not a racist. I mock everyone and everything equally. Thank you.
There is a phenomenon going on in
MISSING WHITE CHICKS. Every now and then, I watch the TV news, and the biggest story of the day happens to be about a missing white girl. Usually blonde, privileged and "all-American", this 17-25 year old Caucasian female happens to turn up missing for reasons unknown. I mean, I'm not cheapening the lives of said women, but why in the hell do they get the national spotlight whenever they up missing, whereas other girls of color or even other random people who turn up missing don't? At the least, they get a 30 second mention, but not the search parties or Amber alerts these missing
white girls get. People, either please give every missing person equal airtime and a basic search party, or please stop making missing white girls a national phenomenon. They are NOT
Again, I do not wish to cheapen their lives or anything, but the media is to blame for this phenomenon. I try to watch the news, wanting to know about the war, global warming, or the economy, but NO. Besides bullshit about non-missing white chicks like Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and Paris Hilton, who fuck everything and themselves up on a near-daily basis, there's usually an Amber Alert watch on some missing white chick like Elizabeth Smart, or Natalee Holloway on Headline News. Shit, Fox News takes it one step further by accusing a random black dude, a Latino dude, or an old white pedo for her "disappearance", while Alan Colmes takes it in the ass (metaphorically?) from Sean Hannity. And finally, on CNN, there's Nancy Grace.
Nancy Grace is a hateful woman, in my opinion. She sees people with eccentricities or mental illness or even small differences as scums of the Earth, and talks shit about them while pushing her own agenda on how we should keep some pervert off the streets or something unimportant like that. And her show is mostly about court cases...hate to see her as a real Justice of Law or anything. But, aside from that, her show is the #1 source of info on missing white chicks. She'd report them missing, cry about their disappearance, and goes all witch-hunt mode about trying to find a known perpetrator. I mean, it's not really a big deal for anyone except for family and friends of the missing person, but she goes on about how it's a national tragedy and then goes on about how she's "innocent" and "all-American", when for all we know, she could've been a notorious slut who was totally asking for it and then got it.
In short, I'd like to say: "Shame on you, Nancy Grace. This is a news show, not a hugbox for your crazed obsession of missing white chicks. Your incessant bitching will not bring them back. Never. Plus, I hate to say it, but missing for about 3 years or so, I think Natalee is dead by now. Stop wasting your time and get a hobby. Or better yet, get laid." I wonder if SHE was missing when she was younger. That would explain a lot.
Well, this is it for this essay, and I hope you all think about this topic long and well. It's tragic that someone is missing, but please, give everyone, regardless of color or class, equal time, or at least put the next Natalee or
Thank you for reading this, and I hope you all have a great and safe day.
Bless,
The Ray N. Experience
PS: To know more about "missing white woman syndrome", please visit this page.
PPS:Also, if you want to read a similar article I discovered, visit here.
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"8-bit Nostalgic: A Look at the Videogames We Grew Up With"
An essay by Ray N.
Remember the old games? And how fun they used to be? The ones where it only takes 8-bits of code to satisfy us? How the graphics (despite being pixelated) amazed us at the time, and the music was unforgettable? The way that the games were housed in catridges and if they didn’t work that day, we’d blow on the edge of it? And if it still didn’t work, we’d clean it with a Q-tip with some rubbing alcohol dipped in it? Then remember when we turned it on, and the game’s title screen pops up, with no loading whatsoever? And the game was controlled by only a D-pad, two main buttons, and Select and Start?
Also, when you played the game, remember when you lost and got a GAME OVER, you’d have to continue all over again? It was either that, or you had to write down the password to continue or save, but had to hold Reset before turning it off. That meant that the games were challenging and therefore fun. You needed dedication, skill, and maybe even luck to defeat the final boss or to get the high score. Also, the codes were different. Most games had no real cheats, save for the Konami code. Say it with me now: UP UP DOWN DOWN LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT B A START!! Plus, if you needed codes and secrets and such to help your game out, you had limited resources.
The Internet didn’t exist to the public around that time, so we had to rely on old fashioned print media. Magazines such as EGM, GamePro, and other various codebooks wer nice but there were the big two: Nintendo Power and Tips and Tricks. Nintendo Power was THE magazine for any kid playing NES in the 1980-early 90s. Tips and Tricks was THE BIBLE of cheats for all the systems. Now, it doesn’t exist anymore because you can find codes on the Internet for free. Also, if you needed codes and cheats to help you, just use the good old Game Genie.
Yes, these old games have satisfied us, but then we grew weary of them and demanded more. So, the 16-bit game consoles arrived and satisfied us until the 32/64-bit consoles arrived and so forth, up until today. Nowadays, games have become much more realistic, but you know what? Deep down, we still miss those old 2D pixelated games we played around our formative years. So, look around your closet, break out that NES or Sega or Atari, and start going back in time, when life was good, the controls were simple, and the worst thing that can happen to you is maybe getting a timeout as a grade-schooler or not getting chocolate milk at the milk line in school.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go play some Duck Hunt.
Ray N. of The Jonesboro Experience of America, 2008
The following pieces are works of absurd fiction, so don't take any of this immature and offensive shit seriously. It's all in fun and parody. Enjoy.
-- "Jovial" Ray N. (2009-5-15)
Mary and Joseph, by Jovial Ray N.
Once upon a time, this broad named Mary left the house to go to a rave. After listening to some New Romantic garbage, she drank a chalice of wine with some GHB in it. Hallucinated, she was gang banged by a rapist who called himself Gabriel and told her that soon she will be carrying God's child while he was taking her asscherry with a glowstick. Nine months later, she gave birth to a son, whom she named Jesus because her favorite lay during high school was a Mexican named Jesus Ramirez. If that wasn't bad enough, Joseph the dumbfuck was stuck taking care of the little bastard, as well as people believing he was the son of God for over 2000 years. And nobody lived happily ever after. The end.
The Lord of the Rings, by J.R.R. Tolkien, retold by Jovial Ray N.
Once upon a time, a bunch of hobbits, a queer, a chick, and an old man walked to a volcano, and then threw a ring in it, thereby destroying the ring. A bunch of monsters and a schizophrenic cavedweller cried about it, people fought in awesome battles, and the whole thing took 3 books (or movies) long. Peter Jackson lived happily ever after. The end.
How I Spent My Thursday, by Jovial Ray N.
Once upon Last Thursday, I overslept until 12:34 PM and then I ate some leftover pizza until 2 PM so I can watch Steve Wilkos on TV. Took a nap after drinking some cream soda and green tea while listening to Daft Punk. I woke up around 9 PM, and then I called a friend up until 1 AM because I was bored as fuck and so was he. Then I drew comics until 3 AM and passed out on the floor in my room. Steve Wilkos lived happily ever after. The end.
Biography of Ayn Rand, penned by Jovial Ray N.
Once upon a time, there was some egotistical dyke named Ayn Rand. Wait...seriously, who the fuck names their kid "Ayn"? Either who, she was born in Soviet Russia in the year 1905, and instead of spending her life in the kitchen like a good little commie wife, she wrote books about objectivism, ate pussy on a regular basis, and extolled the "virtues" of capitalism. Old skool Russia thought that she was a cunt, so they told her to GTFO and she went to live in America instead, where the pussy there is paved with gold. She went on to write books like "The Fountainhead" (about fucking architecture) and "Atlas Shrugged" (about how capitalism is more awesome than anything else on Earth, which of course, is conplete and utter bullshit) and has influenced yuppie scum, capitalist pigs, warmongers, homophobes, and of course, fat hairy dykes who think they're "feminists". She eventually suffered from lung cancer, but unfortunately, she survived it. That is, until March 6, 1982, when a brave young man from Japan named Light Yagami picked up a Death Note and proceeded to write her name down in the Death Note. 40 seconds later, Rand died of a heart attack. And nothing of value was lost. Everyone who worshipped Kira lived happily ever after. The end.
The Life Story of John McCain, as told by Jovial Ray N.
John Sidney McCain was born a homosexual in the year 1904. When he was 8 years old, he moved to Hollywood in hopes to find some scrotum to lick. He continued to lick Charlie Chaplin's scrotum until the Vietnam War happened. Then he turned straight just so he can kill over 9000 gooks. He then got captured by the Vietcong and they made him eat bad Cambodian pussy until he told them about US Top Secret plans on how to make one's cock larger. After this, they let him go, but after eating all of that bad hooker pussy, the left side of his face grew into a disgusting lump that would haunt his dick for the rest of his life. After returning home to the US, he proceeded to fuck pigs until the year 2000, when George W. Bush beat him in the primaries, and then raped his mom afterwards. Alone and butthurt, he decided to live in with Ryan Seacrest and proceeded to take it in the ass and cook him supper. After 9/11, American Idol became unpopular, so he decided to run again. So, now in 2008, he is basically running for president, but is really a Bush clone due to the ghost of his lump on his cheek. He was doing well in the race. That is, until he picked Sarah Palin, and shit fucked up. Barack Obama went on to win the presidency and McCain BAWWWWed and became butthurt...again. And just last Thursday, he died of AIDS. His lump survived. And everybody lived happily ever after. The end.
Oh, and he was also abducted by ninjas back in 1989. But nobody cared, because people were masturbating to Daryl Hannah at the time.
Yes, I'm a filthy chantard. Bite me. 3_3)